If you have ever seen any of my stuff on YouTube, you will know that I unashamedly and openly talk about my experiences with mental health issues, specifically depression and anxiety.
You will also know that I have spent the last two years trying to rebuild a lot of my life, especially from a confidence and social ease point of view. I’m not going to sugar coat things; the process has been a struggle at best and a dead weight at its worst. Recently it has been getting easier, markedly so, almost as if I have passed through the eye of the needle and out into the fresh air.
I’m not really interested in the rhetoric of “look at me and my amazing life” that is all too present on blogs and social media, mainly because that would be wildly unrepresentive of my current situation. However what I will say is that things are OK, I feel OK. I appreciate that this is a somewhat ambiguous statement, but I suppose life is pretty ambiguous at the best of times. That’s how it feels to me anyway…
The real contrast is that I have gone from someone who can barely leave the house to someone who now represents a whole business at some quite important meetings. Something has changed to make this happen, as old Bethan would have barely been able to say one sentence in a pressured situation, let alone argue her corner with determination and ability.
I’m not really sure where the tipping point came to be honest, it’s really quite hard to pinpoint where I started to feel more OK than less. The important thing though is that it happened, whether it was through an epiphanic moment or the result of a slow mutation.
I am OK. I repeat this to myself daily, I feel OK. I am doing OK. Being OK is OK.
Because OK is better than not OK.